To Have and To Hold: The importance of uplifting one another in a relationship
With today being Valentine's Day, a total of 37 days until I say "I do" to best friend and fiance, my deep-seated passion for continuing to grow and learn, and need for an environment that supports my relationship is front and center in my mind. So when the article titled "If You Can't Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stays Single" by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox in the appeared in a Harvard Business Review LinkedIn post, it truly struck a chord.
Wittenberg-Cox reminds us, "professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their partners — a super-supportive partner or no partner at all. Anything in between ends up being a morale- and career-sapping morass."
I, luckily, have a super-supportive partner. We work daily to focus on both of our potentials strategically. We discuss big decisions together, and work to both take the time to shift to let the other step into their full potential. With this being an explosive time of growth for my career, he has been entirely supportive and has shouldered some of my regular home duties to create more space and time for me to step into my potential, and I have done the same so for him when he needed the same.
As we have gone through the year and a half journey to marriage, we have continually asked each other about our five and 10-year goals and how we can be supportive of one another. We solidified this practice during our pre-marital counseling sessions, and began even more strategic active listening to better support one another and had tools to navigate through any tight spots we might have. While our 10-years of being together has created some great habits for us as far as sharing the load and supporting one another, those habits didn't come to us naturally they are something we have worked toward.
Whittenberg-Cox does have some great tips in the article for managing better balance at home that William and I work at all the time to stay on the same page and make sure we are supporting one another:
Plan your goals together. Make sure you discuss long-term personal and professional goals early and revise those goals regularly. Clearly define what support looks like for each person and what role each person will play in achieving the goal.
Listen to understand and not to respond. Take some time for uninterrupted face-to-face listening with your partner. After you listen to what they have to say, repeat back what you heard, to make sure you have captured what you have heard.
Constructive criticism is essential. Ask questions about their goals and thoughts, but surround those questions with genuine flattery and positive compliments. This is an easy way to show that you are listening and show support of how brilliant, caring, and supportive of you they are.
If you would like to read the full article, you can find it here: https://hbr.org/2017/10/if-you-cant-find-a-spouse-who-supports-your-career-stay-single
